I accidentally had phone sex last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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