Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
