Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
