I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize