They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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