Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my shit smells like andre
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
