I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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