i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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