Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
