when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
