Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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