if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
