Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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