I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
