WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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