i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
