i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
