if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
