this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
