What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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