sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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