After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
organizing the empties. That sober.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
