yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
