you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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