My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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