all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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