so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
