dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
