Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
