1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
