i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
