i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
