Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
