Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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