apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
