Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
