I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
