Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
