So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
