I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Alive.
So much puke
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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