I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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