when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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