Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
