road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
