i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
