We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
