I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
