I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
