carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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