Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He shit in the fireplace
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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