i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
