well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
