you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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