You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
