honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
