thus making me awesome and them whores
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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