So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
me + whiskey = a bad person
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
