Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
