I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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