that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
