my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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