can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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