So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize