i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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